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First Comes Love

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First Comes Love

By: Tom Rasmussen
Narrated by: Tom Rasmussen
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About this listen

Bloomsbury presents First Comes Love written and read by Tom Rasmussen.

Bitingly funny, infectiously inquisitive and ferociously sharp. Adored!' ATTITUDE

'A fascinating interrogation' GRAZIA

'An incisive, witty and moving look at marriage – as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution' REFINERY29

It was one thing to get married when your parents, your neighbours, your community insisted on it, when a sacred union for heterosexuals was not just one option but the only option. It’s quite another to keep doing it in when free of that societal and religious pressure. What is the allure of an institution grounded in patriarchy, in elitism, in white supremacy in the West, an institution that invalidated all but one kind of love till quite recently? Why do so many of us fight against these social ills while also posting pictures of proposals on Instagram? Is it possible to be married while subverting the institution by doing it one’s own way, or is marriage having the last laugh after all?

Tom Rasmussen comes from a Northern, working class family, for whom marriage in the centrepiece of life. They are also a male-bodied, non-binary queer person in a relationship with a man.

Journeying through wildly different weddings, visits to wedding planners, interviews with the much-married, those who have questioned their decision to marry, and those who would never consider matrimony, this is an incisive, witty and moving look at marriage – as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution. Tom Rasmussen examines what marriage means across the spectrum of sexuality and class, and what the future looks like for this most historic and universal of institutions.

'An incisive, compassionate probing of the pleasures and pitfalls of marriage ... A deft deconstruction of normativity today' DAZED

'Tom Rasmussen is a smart and accomplished storyteller ... Anyone – queer or straight – who's considering marriage, or for that matter anyone who's deeply in love should listen to this unputdownable book' KATE BORNSTEIN

'I love Tom Rasmussen and adore their writing' TRAVIS ALABANZA

'An interrogation and an investigation ... A deeply funny and optimistic listen' JUNO ROCHE

©2021 Tom Rasmussen (P)2021 Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
Comedy & Humour Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Parenting & Families Marriage Witty Comedy Wedding Queer
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    5 out of 5 stars
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Profound, challenging, funny and deeply moving!

Tom is the love guru everyone needs in their life. Whatever love looks like for you - this is an essential, questioning, heartfelt investigation into modern relationships! 100% recommend!!!

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Funny and rich interrogation of modern relationships

Tom is both entertaining and rigorous. Loved how this book weaves personal (sometimes very personal!) story with a wider cultural picture and interviews too. Covering academic discourse to bridezillas and Sex and the City, this book is for anyone who’s wondered what it means to be wed. As a queer person it’s wonderful to see us finally included in the conversation, and Tom doesn’t shy away from the complexities of engaging with heteronormative traditions either. So glad I listened to this.

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