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The Man He Used to Be

Dementia and My Mad Dad

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The Man He Used to Be

By: Robyn Hollingworth
Narrated by: Robyn Hollingworth
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About this listen

Inadvertent cross-dressing. Attempted murder. Jail break. A waltz at a funeral. A hernia the size of Guernsey.

Heartbreaking and darkly comic, these are the moments that litter the messy road from cared-for to carer, a journey that Robyn Hollingworth finds herself on when she's only twenty-five years old.

Leaving London to return home to rural South Wales, Robyn finds that it's her old life - same teddy bears resting on her pillow, their bodies tucked under the duvet; same view of the garages behind which she'd had her first cigarette and first kiss - but so much has changed.

Her dad, the proud, charmingly intelligent, self-made man who made people laugh, is in the grip of early onset Alzheimer's. His brilliant mind, which saw him building power stations and literally bringing light into the lives of others, has succumbed to darkness.

As Robyn settles back in the rhythms of life in the rain-soaked vast Welsh valleys, she keeps a diary charting her journey as the dad she knew disappears before her eyes. Lyrical, poignant and with flashes of brilliant humour, The Man He Used To Be explores how in helping others we can heal ourselves.

Previously published in hardback as My Mad Dad.

©2018 Robyn Hollingworth (P)2018 Orion Publishing Group
Alzheimer's & Dementia Medical Personal Success Dementia Alzheimer's Disease
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Critic reviews

This is a wonderful, rather special book: funny, warm and loving but also thought-provoking and deeply moving. Absolutely unforgettable - ironically. ADAM KAY, Sunday Times bestselling author of This Is Going To Hurt
This is a wonderful, brilliant book that also made me laugh. Robyn writes so honestly and normally. I fell in love with her mum and "mad" dad. VICTORIA DERBYSHIRE
[A] touching, humorous and self-deprecating book...Life will always throw shit at you: it's how you deal with it that counts. My Mad Dad is an essential manual for those of us trying to negotiate our own "Sabbatical of Shite". GREG WISE, actor and author of Not That Kind of Love

What listeners say about The Man He Used to Be

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A beautiful, moving and relatable story

Had to write a review after listening to this wonderful, honest story that really has moved me in many ways. Cannot recommend highly enough.

Ironically (or not, just practical ?) listened to on my journey up and down the M4, then through Pontypool to see my own dad in a care home.

The aging and passing of parents is something most of us either have been or will go through at some point. But despite this inevitability, when it happens, it is a very surreal situation that no one has ever prepared you for. Maybe illness, hospital stays and funerals are expected, but the complexity of care, the decisions to make and all sorts of other crap leading up to the end, and beyond, people don’t really discuss. You really do feel like you’re in a parallel universe of things you’ve never dreamed of doing, all alongside social services and the NHS, and you really can’t express the madness of it to people outside the situation. Well that’s how it seemed to me, and Robyn’s story resonated in so many ways, putting into words things I had muddled in my mind, still part of confused memories of a crazy time, and some things it didn’t seem ok to say. And all told in the way a close friend would put it - having you pulled between tears and laughter at the ridiculousness of things at same time.

I knew Robyn a bit when I was younger, though now I know I didn’t really know her in the proper sense, and what a wonderful human she is. Hugely talented, sharp witted and clearly so caring. Her parents would absolutely be so proud.

I knew Robyn had written this book quite a while ago but only just got round to getting it. I’ve been through a very similar experience in the last couple of years so I’m glad to have waited until now to hear it. It’s helped me piece together the madness of my own last few years, and re-live them with a new clarity, though perhaps with a warning of what’s still to come.

Thank you Robyn for sharing such a personal story. It’s so very real and I’m sure it will help so many people in many ways. A real honour to learn more about your incredible parents too. Xx

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Laughter and tears

An amazing diary, in a book, spoken by the author. Made me laugh and cry in equal measure.

thank you for sharing this with us.

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Very touching

My dad died this weekend. I didn’t know he was going so soon but thankfully I’d read this beautiful book. It’s touching, compassionate, hilarious, insightful and so much more besides. Thank you.

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I have never been so moved by a book before

This book is a really raw and honest account. I don't think I have cried such genuine tears reading a book before along with a few bursts of laughter. It's a really well written account and a must for anyone who wants to gain an insight into the experience of a carer for someone with dementia.

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an inspiring book.

A beautiful and honest story with some touching and funny antidotes. Heartfelt moments of pure love.

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A brilliant down to earth truthful book

What did you like most about My Mad Dad?

The Author (Robyn) tells this sad story the way it has affected her and her older brother. She also shows empathy along with the feeling of helplessness in dealing with a very emotional experience.

Who was your favorite character and why?

Robyn was obviously the main character who by listening to her came across very well. She had no qualms in showing humour in the dark reality of what she was going through.

Have you listened to any of Robyn Hollingworth’s other performances? How does this one compare?

No

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

The last time she visited her father.

Any additional comments?

An enjoyable informative read that I will recommend to people, especially those that maybe going through a similar situation.

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Honest

It was an honest, heartfelt account of a very heartbreaking family story. It’s inspiring in its simplicity.

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