“You have to let go of the anger, and this may be the hardest part of it all, because you have to face your own feelings and accept that you do not want this to eat you alive for the rest of your life.”

How do you reconcile with a sibling who has become a stranger? In this captivating episode, our host Ed Coambs is joined again by Fern Schumer Chapman, the insightful author of "Brothers, Sisters, Strangers." Fern delves into the complex dynamics of sibling estrangement and reconciliation, drawing on her personal experiences with Holocaust trauma. She shares how her mother's harrowing escape from Nazi Germany cast long shadows over their family life. Get ready to learn about the profound healing that comes from sharing these stories and the emotional relief it brings when past traumas are openly acknowledged.

Ed and Fern also unpack the unique parenting patterns within Holocaust survivor families, laying bare the psychological impacts of extreme trauma, favoritism, and memorial children. Fern's poignant anecdotes reveal how children in these families often become parentified, prematurely taking on adult responsibilities. Their discussion sheds light on the intricate interplay between identity and inherited trauma, providing a deeper understanding of how these factors shape subsequent generations.

Ed and Fern continue their conversation on navigating sibling estrangement and the arduous road to reconciliation. The Hicks Dignity Model offers a pathway through genuine listening and empathy, but they also emphasize the importance of acknowledging when a relationship is beyond repair. Setting boundaries with toxic individuals is crucial, and sometimes walking away is the healthiest option. All this and more in this episode of Healthy Love and Money.

Key Topics:

• Sibling Estrangement and Reconciliation (00:00)
• Impact of Holocaust Trauma on Family Life (02:53)
• Healing Through Storytelling and Witnessing (06:54)
• Memorial Children and Parentified Children (11:16)
• Sibling Estrangement and Parental Responsibilities (29:40)
• Empathy and Listening in Reconciliation (30:04)
• Boundaries and Toxic Relationships (32:38)
• Fern Schumer Chapman’s Work and Resources (35:29)

Resources:

• FernSchumerChapman.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1. Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way.
4. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“In many ways, sibling estrangement is like mourning the living.”

After witnessing firsthand the heartache of fractured sibling relationships, journalist Fern Schumer Chapman embarked on a journey to understand and heal family estrangement–in her own life and those of others.

Our host Ed Coambs chats with Fern as she shares her deeply personal experiences and professional insights from her book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation. As the daughter of a Holocaust refugee, her story brings a unique and poignant perspective to this often misunderstood issue, shedding light on how trauma can ripple through generations.

“Sibling estrangement is an expression of a family system.”

Fern guides us through the different types of estrangement, from physical separation to emotionally distant relationships, and brings up the difficult question of whether reconciliation is even possible. Emotions run deep as they address the feelings of unlovability and failure that often accompany estrangement, and talk about the cultural barriers that prevent open discussion of these difficult topics.

“If you shut down the relationship here and now, you’re not just affecting this relationship. You’re affecting this generation and possibly the next.”

Aging and life transitions can also complicate sibling dynamics, often bringing hidden tensions to the surface during moments of crisis, such as parental illness or inheritance disputes. Ed and Fern analyze risk factors like narcissism, mental health challenges, and political differences that can strain sibling bonds.

Fern asks us to never forget the value of strong foundational relationships, offering guidance and hope for those navigating the rocky terrain of sibling estrangement.

Key Topics:

• Why Fern Writes on Sibling Estrangement (02:51)
• Defining “Family System” (05:05)
• Sibling Estrangement Risk Factors (07:11)
• Defining “Sibling Estrangement” (8:26)
• Navigating the Estrangement-Reconciliation Cycle (17:22)
• How Your Children’s Behavior May Trigger Your Own Fears and Insecurities (24:22)
• Other Sibling Estrangement Risk Factors (26:11)

Resources:

• FernSchumerChapman.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1. Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way.
4. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“If somebody's emotionally activated, then we can't do the problem-solving and the logical thinking that we know is needed in the financial planning world.”

Can a shift in conversation style transform lives? Our host Ed Coambs sits down with Christine Miles, a licensed clinical social worker, and expert in motivational interviewing (MI). Christine uncovers the incredible power of MI and how this groundbreaking technique helps people stuck or struggling to make pivotal changes. Ed and Christine discuss how MI isn’t just for therapy—it’s a versatile tool used in financial planning, real estate, addiction therapy, and healthcare. Christine shares the fascinating origins of MI, created by Stephen Rollnick and William Miller, and its foundational role in fostering effective and supportive communication.

Have you ever wondered why some expert advice just doesn’t seem to stick? Christine explains the importance of understanding a client's readiness for change and how a supportive communication style can prevent resistance and disengagement. Christine emphasizes the need for promoting autonomy and how a non-confrontational approach can lead to better outcomes. By adopting MI principles such as acceptance, compassion, and curiosity, professionals can create environments that encourage meaningful and thoughtful decision-making.

Ed and Christine explore the emotional complexities in financial decision-making and how moral beliefs and the autonomic nervous system play a role. Christine illustrates how MI can help navigate these emotional responses, making space for logical problem-solving and better financial planning. Take a moment after the episode to reflect on your own journey toward financial intimacy, and don't forget to share this insightful conversation with others who might benefit.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Christine Miles! (00:00)
• The Origins and Principles of Motivational Interviewing (04:50)
• Directive vs. Motivational Communications Styles (06:46)
• Emotions in Financial Planning (11:15)
• The Importance of Trust in Financial Advising (36:14)
• The Stages of Change in Motivational Interviewing (40:54)
• Further Benefits of Motivational Interviewing (43:51)

Resources:

• MICenterForChange.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1. Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way.
4. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.