You ever get invited to a party by a friend of a friend? The host tells you the party starts at 6:00 so you already know you won’t be there until, at earliest, 6:45. You can’t risk being the first one there and having to make mundane, soul crashing chit chat with a person you barely even know in the first place. Sure, you got drunk together at a bachelor party that one time in Belarus and took turns snorting Columbian marching powder off a Ukrainian stripper's ass. But ain't no way you’re trying to have a 1 on 2 conversation with him and his wife while you snack on small sausages and cheeses in the kitchen while you wait for other guests to arrive. Then his wife compliments how funny you are and how strong your arms look. She’s giving you those “come get me” eyes, meanwhile her husband is completely oblivious as he checks his phone and announces his parents have arrived. He steps out of the house, now it’s just you and her. You know you’ve only got 2 minutes of play time. Any longer than that and you risk ruining a marriage. You’re looking at her, she’s looking at you, the clocks ticking… Panic ensues, you start to sweat, knees weak, she’s starting to unbutton her blouse, finally you exclaim “Small sausages make me shit!” as you run off to find a bathroom. That was a close one... Maybe you should use the bathroom before you leave the house next time, arrive a little later when other friends have arrived and avoid a terrible situation.

Anyway, sorry I’m late. Here’s the episode:

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