Who watches the Watchmen? Us. Duh.

Nixon is clutching the nuclear launch codes and we took the month to anatomically put ourselves back together for this special patreon birthday episode. How could this go wrong?

Kelly cracks open her first comic book to find a fun way to play philosopher. Is this really about masked avengers or is it just Kierkegaard in tights? We don't think, therefore we aren't sure. Challenging as a new medium can be, an expression of intellect is still not something to throw into a radioactive particle test chamber and disregard. The squid may have destroyed the city, but it won her heart. She's now on step 3 of the Veidt Method!

Jimmy would like to fight, really he would, but from his spot on Mars... Zack Synder just feels so... insignificant. He saw all the atoms come together, but, though they might look a lot like the comic, the soul of the story just didn't make the director's cut. It doesn't take a Rorschach test to prove you're nuts for preferring the film to the comic. Or maybe you're just seeing a pretty butterfly?

Count down the dooms day clock -and how many times Billy Crudup's blue penis is mentioned- with us. Comic or movie? It's all perspective.

Ladies, are modern day options crippling? Do you spend way too much time deciding between which primary color to wear and enjoy the thrill of voting against your basic needs? Well do we have a future for you!

Kelly puts all her eggs in Margaret Atwood's basket. This Canadian author wrote a long form poem that chills, maybe not thrills, but certainly instills a fear for our future autonomy. We humans need love, touch, communication, and most importantly...to read. Apparently "my body my choice" translates into Latin as "Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum."

Civil war! Canada! Men! Clitoridectomies! The tv series The Handmaid's Tale might not have the subtle haunting poetry of the novel, but the bodies be swinging under his eye. If you don't want to delve in the cold waters of prose to understand how your human rights are at stake, maybe Elizabeth Moss' face will get you freaked enough to swear off red. Commander Jimmy certainly thinks so.

If you're Offred or just Off-men we've got you covered. Whether you choose book or TV show, it's a perfect May Day for a revolution.

It's a bird! No, it's a plane! No, it's just a supermodel swan diving off the balcony. Some might call it foul play so it's up to a British sleuth(s)and these American readers to get to the bottom of it. But first, let's hit the pub and pick up a special guest to help us solve the murder of the teleplay for the Cormoran Strike Series.

Kelly has found a friend to help defend JKRowling's pseudonym and detective series. She'd use their pronouns but that might not jive with the author. Regardless, the book holds strong as a fun read with a shocking and impactful twist. Developed characters make for better red herrings... to not agree is plain cuckoo.

Jimmy might not have a leg to stand on but he tries his best to pass off this Max's miniseries as watchable. If they had the HBO money daytime television could really be brought to new heights. Oh well, it's not worth drawing a hot bath over.

Don't leave us chilling on the balcony, help us pour the piping hot tea on this special birthday episode.