In the past, many got married for sex and thus for personal fulfillment. Nowadays, many don’t see a need to get married to get sex. Yet, whether married or not, people were not being personally fulfilled. How do marriage, sex, and personal fulfillment come together, if at all?Hi, my name is Terence, and I'm your host for Reading and Readers, a podcast where I review Christian books for you. Today I review “Married for God: Making Your Marriage the Best It Can Be” by Christopher Ash. 176 pages, published by Crossway in August 2016. Available via Amazon Kindle for USD10.16 and via Logos for USD10.79.Christopher Ash is Writer-in-Residence at Tyndale House in Cambridge. He is a full-time preacher, pastor, teacher, and writer. According to Amazon, he has 40 titles and there is one tantalising title I would like to read, “The Book Your Pastor Wishes You Would Read (but is too embarrassed to ask)”. But that is a book for another day.Today I review Ash's book on marriage.Anyone who intends to get married should go for a pre-marriage counselling course. I say this even to non-Christians. And if you are reluctant to sit down with a pastor, you should get a book to go through together.Marriages include arguments. I could also say many marriages end with arguments. The tragedy is some of those arguments could have been avoided. When one says, “My dream is to have children.” And the other shocked says, “But dear, I don’t intend to have children.” This is a conversation they should have had before they got married.For Christians such conversations is ever more important because God does not approve of divorces. If the marriage is not working, the biblical answer is: make it work.Today's book is not just helpful for those about to get married.If you have been married long, this book will strengthen your marriage.Bizarrely, if you are single, this book will also strengthen your single life. More on that later.Let's open the book.In the introduction, the fundamental statement put to us is:> We ought to want what God wants in marriage.Ash later on continues:> ... when we ask what God wants, we are asking what is best for us. What is best for us is not what we want, but what he wants. When I ask what God wants for marriage, I am saying that I want my marriage to cut with the grain of the universe.Wow. Your love for one another, this private connection between a man and a woman is part of a cosmic design.If you have never considered marriage in that light, there is more to come. In fact whatever you think marriage is, put that aside. Make a commitment to hear from God first. So if whatever God says goes against what you think marriage is about, go with God. This is how Ash ends the introduction chapter, with a call to repentance.## Baggage and GraceBut what happens if God, who is awesome and holy, wants what I don't want? What if, in the light of his holiness, he exposes me? The part I have kept hidden from family and friends, and frankly, intended to keep hidden from my future spouse?And so Christopher Ash, theologian and pastor, right at the start has a chapter titled, “A Word about Baggage and Grace”. I will just read the section headings and you will see why you need not fear God's will for you.1. The Bible Speaks to Those Whose Sexual Pasts Are Spoiled2. Jesus Christ Offers Forgiveness and Restoration To Those With Spoiled Sexual Pasts3. God’s Grace Enables Us to Live Lives of PurityThe chapter ends with six questions and discussion points. Let me read question 4.Question 4:> If you are (or may one day be) married, what kind of “baggage” do you think you bring into marriage, in your thinking and expectations?If you are reading this book on your own, that is great for your self-reflection, but what about your fiance? The temptation here is to think he or she doesn’t need to know your past. But your past, whether you want to or not, in one way or another, will affect the marriage.But if you share your deepest darkest secrets, what happens if your fiance cancels the wedding? Or what if one day she takes this painful part of your life and throws it in your face?The fear bubbles up and chokes, and tempts you to do what you have always done. Hide."Hahhaha... question 4 is asking about baggage? I guess my baggage is I once forgot my baggage at the airport."The couple laughs. Love makes lame jokes funny. Quick! Let's read the next chapter before something ruins the moment.It takes courage to answer soul-baring questions. It takes wisdom to navigate this treacherous waters, which is why I encourage couples to invite their pastor into pre-marriage discussions.A good and experienced pastor will establish a safe space and frame the discussion to ensure that the couple does not dwell on the baggages but eventually move on to the next part: what comes after question 4, I quote:> Pause to bring this “baggage” quietly before God. Pray through the truth of grace in this chapter and ask God to put ...
