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Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
- An Unconventional Heroes Publisher's Pack
- Narrated by: Fred Berman
- Length: 13 hrs and 5 mins
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Summary
Contains Books 1 and 2 of the Unconventional Heroes series.
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf, book 1:
Two necromancers, a bureaucrat, and an elf - it sounds like the start of a bad joke, only the joke is on Timmy.
Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.
But that's easier said than done. He's a wanted criminal with no shortage of powerful (and crazy) enemies, and he has a bone or two to pick with the Everton Council of Mages.
It's a good thing that he's got some help: an obnoxious 10-year-old apprentice who thinks that pink glasses are appropriate for a budding necromancer and a bumbling bureaucrat who may or may not make it through their first real fight without puking his guts up. Wonderful.
Two Necromancers, an Army of Golems, and a Demon Lord, book 2:
Two necromancers, an army of golems, and a demon lord - it sounds like a recipe for trouble, and for Timmy, it definitely is.
To earn his pardon and avoid horrible torture and/or gruesome execution, Timmy has to complete every mission the Council throws his way, most of which seem to involve extremely scary things trying to kill him. At least he’s got help - sort of. His help consists of an apprentice with designs on his castle (and her plans may or may not involve overthrowing him), a bureaucrat whose two greatest skills are fainting in the face of trouble and using people (usually Timmy) as human shields, and an elf with the world's worst case of pyromania and enough magic to level a mountain.
Somehow, Timmy's got to get this bunch of unconventional heroes to work together. Trouble is coming, and it's trouble of the kind that only a necromancer like Timmy could possibly find himself in the middle of.
What listeners say about Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
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- Initiated Medusa
- 20-04-21
Fun!
This was very enjoyable, fun and silly. Loved the narrator and his character voices. Without spoiling he does a very good psychopathic elf.
Another author discovered thanks to Audible Deep joy 😂 😀
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10 people found this helpful
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- Lynn
- 12-04-21
Entertaining
Not a ground breaking story but definitely a good one. Just a very well rounded, if a little sparse, story of a necromancer and his apprentice as he builds a little team of 'ner do wells. Quite funny at times as well.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Dan N
- 03-08-22
Just good fun
This entire series is just an easy listen and plain good fun. Don't expect the cavernous depth of Tolkien or the satirically sharpe observations and humour of Terry Pratchett. But if a kind of Robert Rankinesq silliness and just plain fun is the sort of thing you're looking for then you can do a lot worse. thoroughly entertaining and genuinely laugh out loud funny in places (yes i did get some very weird looks while doing the shopping in the local supermarket). very good unlike many it will no doubt get repeated listening. Well narrated without needing to be hammed up.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Ian Morgan
- 22-07-22
Absolutely Delicious!
This is such a fun story and so well performed. Do not expect Tolkein-esque literature: this is very accessible and has a current of humour running through the narrative that adds light to the darker elements of character background.
The characters are well thought through and performed with individual nuance. It is well paced and, even for a fantasy novel, is outrageous in plotline. I did not expect to find a story of this quality but I am so glad that I did.
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2 people found this helpful
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- K Mich
- 25-10-21
Somehow a dull and longwinded
I like the characters and the setting, but the writing gets in the way.
I really tried to enjoy this book, but too often there is a 'Ohw-by-the-way-the-character-knew-this-because-of-x'
An almost classic case of 'show, don't tell'.
Show me why a character is cool! Don't have a character recall an previous adventure that was actually way cooler than this one! (So this MC totally knows what he is doing btw, did I mention this character was cool? I'll have one of the other main characters gush over how cool he is, just in case you missed it).
I actually stuck with it, but quit after the 'first' of these two books had BONUS side stories to tell you how cool the main character is.
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2 people found this helpful
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- jo
- 03-01-24
Great Humour
Buy it .it's fabulous wrote a long review and it got deleted I raved an raved it's humourous, clever and adult without throbbing Elvin bits or boobies on dwarves. it's really exciting the language is expensive extensive not repetitive and the characters are original I love the chef ninja rats.i love the elf with a bad personality disorder it's worth three credits so at one you got a genius bargain you wouldn't want to miss this better than prachetts disc world as it's grown up an a lot funnier. Just be careful or the seven year old necromantic necromancer she is scary cute and makes the best zombies.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Joshua
- 18-05-23
Not bad, but not fantastic
Decent narration.
Good story of whimsical fantasy. Light reading but not overly simple or dumbed down. Does well to avoid tropes and be original. Writing was sometimes repetitive and would benefit from editing.
I read to the end but don't intend to read another.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 13-10-22
Silly
Great performance by the reader, but the story lacks a lot. It is basically a hack ‘n slash cartoon in book form.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Jillolai
- 21-08-22
I’ve Sci Fi fantasy but this is not for me
I think this may be written for children. Its just not for me. It’s repetitive in the way reality shows recap exactly what had just been said or enacted 3 mins ago.
The detail is there to an extent. The plot is a strong premise. It’s just the style is not for me.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Doctormollusc
- 29-06-22
Is this an adult book?
There's nothing specifically wrong with this, but I stopped listening part way through when I realised I didn't actually care what happened at the end.
It's hard to be harsh about a story that's basically free, but there's something about the flow of the plot and the oft-repeated jokes that makes me think of a kids cartoon series that's been turned into a novel.
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1 person found this helpful