Showing results by author "Barry Hutchison" in All Categories

Dylan Malone, aka Beaky, has a habit of telling porkies - every time he opens his mouth, out pops a whopper! But then his long-suffering sister shoves him into the truth-telling machine at Madame Shirley's Marvellous Emporium of Peculiarities. Now Beaky can't tell a lie - not even a teeny-weeny one - and a truth-telling Beaky is even worse....

The galaxy just called for help. Unfortunately, the wrong man answered. When small-time con man Cal Carver is thrown in jail and forced to share a cell with a semi-naked, cannibalistic serial killer, he's pretty sure his day can't get any worse. Boy, is he wrong. It isn't until two-thirds of the human race is wiped out and Cal is mistakenly abducted by aliens that things really start to go downhill.

Sick of the stress, aggravation, and multiple genocides they've had to put up with lately, accidental space hero Cal Carver and his crew set off to start a new life in a distant corner of the galaxy. Six tedious days of warp-speed and board games later, they arrive in a sector filled with new hope, new opportunities, and new adventures. Too broke to take advantage of any of these things, they are forced to accept a series of increasingly demeaning jobs just to make ends meet.

A collection of short stories gathered from the far reaches of the Space Team Universe. Some of these stories have been available elsewhere over the past few months, while others are new for this collection.

When a Weird Space Thing™ threatens to destroy planet Earth, Cal is determined to stop it. But when they get there, they find the place is still swarming with parasitic extra-terrestrial bugs, and that there isn't a whole lot left to save. While battling an unexpected ghost of the past, Cal is abducted by aliens. Again. Brought before their covert High Council, Cal is given a choice: save his Earth and doom countless others to oblivion, or sacrifice it, so that parallel Earths may live.

Just hours after setting foot on a new planet, Cal and the crew find themselves caught up in an interplanetary kidnapping plot. Reuniting the suspiciously-silent young victim with her parents on their far-off home world will make Cal rich beyond his wildest dreams. Unfortunately, half the pirates and bounty hunters in the galaxy have the same idea, and they're more than happy to take the girl by force.

Accidental space adventurer Cal Carver has had a rough few months. He's fought spider-dragons, battled space clowns, and been repeatedly tortured by the galaxy's oldest assassin. And don't even get him started on the squirrel-tits. Now all that's behind him, Cal just wants to kick back and relax. The universe, however, has other ideas. He and his crew find themselves in possession of the Symmorium Sentience, a once god-like entity now stripped of its power.

Cal Carver, petty-criminal turned space adventurer, is on a suicide mission - and he really hates suicide missions. But this time it's to save his best buddy, Splurt, who has been taken prisoner by the elderly assassin, Lady Vajazzle, and the evil Zertex corporation. When they discover that the ship carrying Splurt never made it to Zertex, their search leads them through a wormhole to a mysterious planet unlike any they have seen before. Will they survive this strange new world and finally find their friend? And, more importantly, does he even want to be found?

A collection of short stories gathered from the far reaches of the Space Team Universe.

Suicide Squad meets Galaxy Quest, in this fast-paced, laugh-out-loud novel from the author the Independent calls, "the new Terry Pratchett." After saving an alien race and its god from a sentient zombie virus, Cal Carver and the crew of the Dread Ship Shatner are feeling pretty pleased with themselves. Unfortunately, the creator of the zombie virus is out for revenge, and has recruited the galaxy's deadliest - and oldest - assassin, Lady Vajazzle, to hunt Space Team down.

Cal Carver, petty-criminal turned space adventurer, is on a suicide mission - and he really hates suicide missions. But this time it's to save his best buddy, Splurt, who has been taken prisoner by the elderly assassin, Lady Vajazzle, and the evil Zertex corporation. When they discover that the ship carrying Splurt never made it to Zertex, their search leads them through a wormhole to a mysterious planet unlike any they have seen before.

Having journeyed through time in order to restore peace to the galaxy, Cal Carver and Space Team are a little dismayed to find out they may have inadvertently made things even worse.

While trying to stop a cyber-attacker stealing all Space Team's hard-earned money, the cyborg, Mech, unlocks a secret partition in his hard drive, revealing a mysterious set of coordinates. The co-ordinates lead the team to Funworld, a planet-sized theme park with a worrying number of artificially intelligent clownbots and a shocking disregard for Health & Safety. With no weapons, and a shapeshifter who can no longer shift-shape, Space Team's quest to unlock Funworld's mysteries leads them deep into the planet's core....

When sworn protectors of Earth, the Justice Platoon, are all horribly killed, their former arch-enemies come crawling out of the woodwork. Outnumbered, outgunned, and out of options, the US government has no choice but to activate the Sidekicks Initiative, dragging the Platoon's middle-aged ex-sidekicks out of retirement. Now these three reluctant, out of shape former child-wonders must work together to stop the rising tide of supervillainy, avenge their former mentors' deaths, and bring the world back from the brink of destruction.

When a 'Weird Space Thing™' threatens to destroy planet Earth, Cal is determined to stop it. But when they get there, they find the place is still swarming with parasitic extra-terrestrial bugs, and that there isn't a whole lot left to save.

Cal Carver's time is about to run out. He and his Space Team are broke. Forced to take low-paying gun-for-hire jobs just to keep the food replicator working, their prospects are not looking good. When they pick up a distress signal from a luxury space cruiser, they think their luck might be about to change. And it does. Sadly, not in the way they'd hoped.

When petty criminal Cal Carver is locked in a cell with a deranged, semi-naked cannibal, he suspects his life has hit its lowest point. He is mistaken. Abducted by aliens and whisked across the galaxy, Cal is thrown into a team of misfits and criminals and sent on a top secret mission for the president of Space. And that's when everything starts to go very, very wrong....

After saving an alien race and its god from a sentient zombie virus, Cal Carver and the crew of the Dread Ship Shatner are feeling pretty pleased with themselves. Unfortunately, the creator of the zombie virus is out for revenge, and has recruited the galaxy's deadliest - and oldest - assassin, Lady Vajazzle, to hunt Space Team down.

While trying to stop a cyber-attacker stealing all Space Team's hard-earned money, the cyborg, Mech, unlocks a secret partition in his hard drive, revealing a mysterious set of co-ordinates. The co-ordinates lead the team to Funworld, a planet-sized theme park with a worrying number of artificially intelligent clownbots, and a shocking disregard for Health & Safety.

Geronimus Krone, the most dangerous man in existence, has altered the course of time and appointed himself King of Space and now rules the galaxy with the help of his four monstrous generals and their armies. Cal Carver and his crew are the galaxy's only hope. But, reeling from their recent loss, they can't stop Krone on their own. Fortunately, they've got a whole bunch of friends they can call on for help.